I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
