I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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