he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
