i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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