Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
