i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Will exercising make me less horny?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
