no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We were destined to go to rehab together
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
