The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
