im gay
i know
yea but for you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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