My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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