We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
