somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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