I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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