he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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