Can i not drive my cunt home
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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