Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
