I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize