what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
