don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
