Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
