I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
