dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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