Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
