when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
