Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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