Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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