i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
