I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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