I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
