Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize