I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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