I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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