on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
