Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
