Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
