Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize