i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
