Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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