And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
