whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
