If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize