Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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