Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
is that a dick in a sweater?
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