He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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