At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
