It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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