someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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