Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
