I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
either way he was missing a nipple.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
