Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
