Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
