Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
