guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
