Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
