I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
