At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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