return my video game
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
