THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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