U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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