My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize