I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
bring money and cleavage
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
