Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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