You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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