i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
