yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize