I think I died a long time ago.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
