Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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