Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
