I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
