I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
