We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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