hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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