census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize