I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
