opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
