We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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