Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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