she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
