I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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