I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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