he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize