So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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