I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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