I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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